How many people can tell the story of a challenging life-event like receiving a terminal diagnosis, getting a divorce, losing a loved one to death, or being terminated from a job? Many, no doubt. These events can be devastating and heart-breaking.
The event is a point in time like a photograph, while the experience is more like an ongoing video. There is an associated response, as well as a reaction, which may include feeling shocked, overwhelmed, or, maybe, even hopeless. The response and reaction to the experience last for a long time—sometimes indefinitely. In either case, the two are determined by one’s mindset and emotions.
Research actually shows that people can control their mindset. How they process their thoughts will determine how they will respond or react to life’s challenging events and experiences.
Life’s challenges are almost always unexpected, turning things upside-down in a moment. There is rarely any opportunity to prepare or plan for these situations. In most cases, life goes along and then there is a massive hit from your ‘blind spot’. It could be a cancer diagnosis, a job layoff, a betrayal by a spouse…anything.
Experience has taught me that having growth and an open mindset will serve me best in the face of chaos. As a result of the personal and professional development work that I have done in the past, I can control and influence how I think through meditation, journaling, and other practices. There seems to be only one clear way to respond and react to life’s pitfalls, which is to maintain positive-thinking.
My mantra for shifting my mindset, whenever I’m faced with such challenges, is “I am 51% Positive!”. This single affirmation grounds me but also allows my mind to have the freedom it needs to waver the other 49% of the time. The majority of the time, however, my mind focuses on experiencing the positive aspects of a given situation and its potential solutions.
On Valentine’s Day 2015, I insisted on moving a massive dining room table with my husband’s help. The table was a very heavy wooden door that measured six feet by eight feet, previously requiring three or four men to move. In my haste complete the task, I lost track of that fact. When we finished moving the table, Michael had a hernia protruding from his abdomen. I felt devastated that my impatience had caused this to happen.
We started the process of getting Michael the care that he needed to repair the hernia on Monday morning. As a result, he received a referral to a specialist; thus began the experience that resulted from the event.
The doctor’s office scheduled Michael’s scheduled for hernia repair surgery for March 31st. It was expected to be a routine procedure, according to the surgeon. I waited in the hospital lobby, alone, waiting for the surgeon to come out and tell me how everything went in the operating room.
After a couple of hours, he came through the doors and sat next to me. Before he could open his mouth to speak, I sensed something off-kilter. He told me that Michael did very well and the repair was successful; however, they discovered Michael had nodules on his liver that looked like fatty liver disease. The doctor told me Michael should have it checked out, as soon as possible, by a specialist.
Michael endured a litany of tests and procedures that resulted in him sitting in an examination room with me at the transplant hospital. In four short months, he went from having a successful hernia repair surgery to waiting for the liver specialist to give him a consultation.
The doctor came into the room in a pleasant mood, introducing himself to each of us. He went on to review some of Michael’s records and then said those words that turned an otherwise normal day into a life-challenging event. He told Michael that he would not survive without a liver transplant due to Non-Alcoholic Steatohepatitis (NASH) end-stage liver disease. As I watched Michael’s face, while the doctor delivered the diagnosis, I knew that he did not hear it. I asked the doctor to repeat what he had just said, and then I saw it register on Michael’s face.
More than any other time in my life, I knew this was an opportunity to live my ‘51% mantra’. Michael and I had some long and emotional conversations about what we expected to happen going forward. Ultimately, we realized we didn’t have a clue. We did know, however, that we could impact our mindset with the mantra.
Michael needed to go through an extensive screening process before making it onto the liver transplant list. Before he could be added, he had a medical emergency that landed him in the ER and ICU with a coma for several days. He survived what the nurses described as “something that no one comes back from.” He was in for the fight for his life. We focused on ‘the 51%’ as a family.
Michael was in and out of the hospital during the next six months. His internments ranged from short to extended–all in an effort to keep him stable and, most importantly, alive. When he went into the hospital in February 2016, we had no idea his stay would last for 23 days. He left the hospital in the most stable state he had been in for months.
One of the ways that I stayed in the 51%, while he was in the hospital, was to bake cookies and bring them to the nurses and staff. It always made everyone happy to see me coming down the halls with stacks of cookies in my hands. I felt like I was giving back to them, saying, “Thank you for taking such great care of Michael.”
On March 1, 2016, Michael discharged from the hospital. He was ready to go home and spend some time with our Golden pups. We were home for about three hours when both of our phones rang, one after the other. We didn’t catch them soon enough to answer, so we listened to our voicemails at the same time. It was a message from UNOS telling Michael to go to the hospital; he was next on the list to receive a liver transplant.
Michael went into his transplant surgery on March 2; we call this Life Day. He made a full recovery and found himself home from the hospital in a matter of ten days. He had been through the pre-transplant process, the transplant surgery, and, now, he went full-on post-transplant.
Our family mantra of staying 51% positive served and supported us well, during one of the most challenging experiences of our lives. We both have blood types that end with a positive sign, and we’re grateful every day for anything–everything–positive in our lives.
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